The Art of Negotiation

One of the great things about choosing to eat healthier is that even eating at places like Chick-Fil-A becomes a treat. Tonight I decided to treat myself. Normally I would have just driven through but I decided to live a little and have the complete fast food experience by 'Dining In'. It was great. Dinner and a show. While I was eating I watched a young mother attempting to negotiate with her 5 year old son through the glass which seperates (and soundproofs i might add) the play area from the dining area. Apparently she was ready to leave and he wasn't.

She began by speaking to him through the glass as if it didn't exist. Did I mention that one of the functions of the glass is to contain the sounds of children at play within the play area? Yeah, it's sound proof. Undaunted by her initial failure to communicate her desire to leave, the mother raised her voice. When that failed as well she resorted to gestures which to me resembled an epileptic fit more than it did a form of communication. The 5 year old didn't get it either. A stream of promises/threats/getstures followed that. I did mention soundproof right? Unfortunately, I was on the same side of the glass that the mom was so while the 5 year old was in silent bliss, I was hearing every exasperated word. And what about dad? He was there, enjoying his meal and the show I'm sure. I couldn't see his face but I'm sure he was as amused by his son's ability to push his mom's buttons as I was. I wonder if it ever occured to her to simply walk into the play area, snatch the little nose miner up, and carry him out? Naaaa...that would make way too much sense. I think tomorrow I'll go see what's going on over at McDonald's.

Options

It occurred to me last night that it's not the choices you make in life that determine your happiness. It's the number of choices you have left after you've made them.

Things I Learned From Hurrican Ike

I'm reposting some of my old blog material,
mostly to get it all in one place again.
This was originally posted on My Space on Sep 27, 2008.

Things I learned from Hurricane Ike

• When the electricity goes off you will still flip the light switch every time you enter the room, even if it's been off for days. And each time you do it you will be surprised when the lights don't come on.
• There are an amazing number of people who have no idea of how to negotiate a four way stop at a busy intersection.
• There is darkness ... and then there is the absolute absence of light. There's a huge difference.
• Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches can taste pretty good when that's all you have to eat.
• It is actually possible to go more than twenty-four hours without watching television and survive.
• Running into / tripping over things in the dark is painful.
• There are an amazing number of things you cannot cook without eggs, butter, and/or milk.
• As far as the local news is concerned, a natural disaster trumps a financial disaster every time.
• Ice can be used to barter for goods and services.
• If terrorists really wanted to strike fear and panic into the hearts of Americans, they would just create a gas shortage.
• People will get into a ridiculously long line without having any idea of what the line is for... and the closer to the front of the line they are, the longer they are willing to wait to find out why they're in line.
• It doesn't matter if FEMA does a thousand things right, the news people are still going to find the two or three people who think they were ignored by the government and put them on TV.
• I stink at finding ways to entertain myself without electricity.
• Rocks (and other dense, non-aerodynamic objects) can fly.
• If the wind and water don't get you, that tree in your front yard will.
• Living in a hot, humid climate with no air conditioning makes people really crabby.
• No matter how good your 'hurricane' story is, someone in the office will have a better one.
• Hurricanes suck.

Memo to the Houston Texans

I'm reposting some of my old blog material,
mostly to get it all in one place again.
This was originally posted on My Space on Sep 7, 2008.

Memo to the Houston Texans:

The 2008-2009 NFL season officially started for you today. That game against Pittsburg was not... i repeat, WAS NOT a pre-season game. Please feel free to show up and play for real anytime. Okay?

Thanks,
Dave

In My Opinion

I'm reposting some of my old blog material,
mostly to get it all in one place again.
This was originally posted on My Space on Aug 9, 2008.

Watching Sara Palin's speech tonight ...

---

Me: "She's hot."

The Wife: lowers the news paper she's reading, peeks over the top for a moment at the television, raises the paper back to it's previous position and returns to the article she was reading without comment

.... significant pause while listening to speech ...

Me: "I guess McCain will pull a lot of the female votes now."

TW: from behind her paper... "Hmff"

... another pause...more speech....

Me: "She seems a little arrogant."

TW: carefully folding her paper, placing it on the floor, then fixing her gaze squarely on me... "She's mean, I can't stand her voice and she gets on my nerves."

..... blink.....

Me: I pick up the paper and hide behind it.

---

Conclusions:

I guess I have been given my new opinion of Sara Palin.
I guess McCain won't be pulling the female vote so much.
I bet he pulls a lot of the Dem Men votes .

My Hero

I'm reposting some of my old blog material,
mostly to get it all in one place again.
This was originally posted on My Space on Aug 16, 2008.

Michael Phelps is my new hero. But it has nothing to do with his heroics at the Olympics.



Oh sure, winning a fist full of gold medals is impressive if you're into that sort of thing.


And being a World Record holder for just about every swimming event in existence is nice i suppose.

And I guess the fact that he's genuine, and humble and polite and just generally a nice guy makes him every mother's dream son or son-in-law.

But what REALLY impresses me is the way the boy eats.

Have you seen his diet?

Let me spell it out for you.

Breakfast:
For breakfast Michael begins with three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and, of course, mayonnaise. And that's just the appetizer. He follows that with a five egg omlet, a bowl of grits, three pieces of french toast coated in powdered sugar and then finishes with three chocolate chip pancakes. Oh, and don't forget the two cups of coffee to wash it all down.
(Somewhere there is one pissed off chicken praying that Michael retires soon)


Lunch:
By lunch time Phelps stomach is demanding more so he pounds down a pound of pasta along with two large ham and cheese sandwiches on white bread with mayo. Just to be sure he can make it to dinner he consumes a 1,000 calorie energy drink to boot.


Dinner:
At dinner Michael adds to his caloric orgy. He has another pound of pasta, followed by a pizza (not a slice.. the whole pizza) and again he drinks the 1,000 calorie energy drink.


That all adds up to a whopping 12,000 calories .... per day. There are entire elementry schools that don't consume that much food in a day.

I wonder if he has a snack before bedtime? A gallon of ice cream maybe?

Oh, and for you ladies busy scribbling out love notes and marriage proposals to Michael? Do yourself a favor. Put down the pen and back away slowly. Unless you're Rachel Ray or you taught her how to cook, I don't think you want to have to fuel that machine on a daily basis.

Yea, I know. Speedo has promised him a million dollars for his efforts but that will barely pay his grocery bill for a year.

If you're looking to marry rich you might want to just take your chances with the lottery.

Solid Gold

I'm reposting some of my old blog material,
mostly to get it all in one place again.
This was originally posted on My Space on Aug 9, 2008.

The 29th Olympiad is here. The games have begun. Hopefully you got to see at least part of the opening ceremonies. They were beyond spectacular.

As I sat watching in anticipation of the torch being lit, I couldn't help but imagine what it must be like to be a member of the planning committee for the 30th Olympiad to be held in London. As one amazing act after another played out in the visual crescendo leading up to the lighting of the torch, there could only be one thought by those responsible for the next opening ceremonies.

Shit! I wonder if it's too late to resign?

Haha.. good luck guys. You're going to have to pull an Olympic sized miracle out of your ass to top this one. Better you than me.