My Hero

I'm reposting some of my old blog material,
mostly to get it all in one place again.
This was originally posted on My Space on Aug 16, 2008.

Michael Phelps is my new hero. But it has nothing to do with his heroics at the Olympics.



Oh sure, winning a fist full of gold medals is impressive if you're into that sort of thing.


And being a World Record holder for just about every swimming event in existence is nice i suppose.

And I guess the fact that he's genuine, and humble and polite and just generally a nice guy makes him every mother's dream son or son-in-law.

But what REALLY impresses me is the way the boy eats.

Have you seen his diet?

Let me spell it out for you.

Breakfast:
For breakfast Michael begins with three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and, of course, mayonnaise. And that's just the appetizer. He follows that with a five egg omlet, a bowl of grits, three pieces of french toast coated in powdered sugar and then finishes with three chocolate chip pancakes. Oh, and don't forget the two cups of coffee to wash it all down.
(Somewhere there is one pissed off chicken praying that Michael retires soon)


Lunch:
By lunch time Phelps stomach is demanding more so he pounds down a pound of pasta along with two large ham and cheese sandwiches on white bread with mayo. Just to be sure he can make it to dinner he consumes a 1,000 calorie energy drink to boot.


Dinner:
At dinner Michael adds to his caloric orgy. He has another pound of pasta, followed by a pizza (not a slice.. the whole pizza) and again he drinks the 1,000 calorie energy drink.


That all adds up to a whopping 12,000 calories .... per day. There are entire elementry schools that don't consume that much food in a day.

I wonder if he has a snack before bedtime? A gallon of ice cream maybe?

Oh, and for you ladies busy scribbling out love notes and marriage proposals to Michael? Do yourself a favor. Put down the pen and back away slowly. Unless you're Rachel Ray or you taught her how to cook, I don't think you want to have to fuel that machine on a daily basis.

Yea, I know. Speedo has promised him a million dollars for his efforts but that will barely pay his grocery bill for a year.

If you're looking to marry rich you might want to just take your chances with the lottery.